Separation
Detachment, separation are recurrent themes in art, poetry, cinema .
"Do not leave me!" (Ne me quitte pas "), is a poignant cry that resonates in popular songs of all cultures, representing one of the deepest fears rooted in human nature: the loss of the love object.
The propensity to make and maintain intimate emotional relationships is written in our genetic heritage and present the first days of life, beginning in the form of innate reflexes (crying, sucking, grasping, orientation, smile) who will become, as a result of responses environment, increasingly sophisticated patterns of behavior.
The anguish of abandonment appears in the small child as soon as you realize you are not one with the mother. Not There is nothing more painful the cry of a baby when she sees her mother away, and fears that do not come back.
Separation anxiety has always been considered one of the first manifestations of childhood psychopathology, the basis of symptoms such as school phobia or fears that can cast a shadow on children, such as fear of parents' divorce.
Even in adults this atavistic feeling can emerge in a more or less violent in the face of loss, evoking the same sense of emptiness and anguish that precipitated by children.
The loss represents a "mourning" and can be seen as a serious threat to its existence, amputation a part of himself. It is often accompanied by the perception that it can not survive without the other, and a catastrophic vision of life and the world.
at this time may come to light unexpected hidden aspects of personality, panic attacks, depression or even blow up the madness.
This applies to the scenario as a backdrop to most crimes of passion, so why even come in the wake of disturbing feelings natural to the human race. It is often an unsuspecting people, respectable, covered by a blanket of normalcy, in which the loss of an emotional connection awakens primordial sentiments.
When the reaction to separation becomes pathological? The theme of the posting
touches the most sensitive chords of the human soul because it breaks one of the strongest instincts not only humans but also in some animal species: the attachment, the mother initially, then moved to the loved one.
"Attachment" is a term used in psychology to express the set of behaviors, thoughts, emotions-driven search for closeness, security and comfort from a privileged figure
The theory studies the processes through which we build those internal models which depend on how we relate in intimate ties, that is, as we represent the other, how we live ourselves, our expectations, our fears. Such schemes, which are built in small child (aged between 7 and 15 months) acting beyond the awareness and organize information relating to emotional relationships, resulting in what we bring to the attention that we give meaning to events, emotions that we generate, behaviors that we adopt in response. Attachment style reflects the uniqueness of each individual's expectations regarding the availability of others for the satisfaction of the need for security, closeness and sharing.
In this context play a significant role experiences between the child and the figure who takes care of him, because play a crucial role in construction of personal identity and way of relating to others.
Sometimes childhood experiences do not allow us to internalize the other as a secure base, stable and successful as a presence inside, undermining the construction of identity and individuality. The reaction
abandonment can become pathological when the first bond of attachment is not secure.
current experiences can evoke old wounds, making constellations resurgence of primitive anxieties, never metabolized, confirming expectations of treason, by the unreliability of the other and an image of himself as vulnerable, to be wounded, rejected reports.
The separation becomes not only loss of the loss itself but also as a person worthy of love.
The world suddenly becomes a desert devoid of meaning, where nothing is stable and every intimate relationship brings with it the specter of abandonment and unbearable pain that entails.
attachment styles are generally divided into four general categories:
Configurations of Type B (secure / autonomous)
Subjects safe / self-lived experiences of childhood protection, comfort, emotional sharing, which allowed him to build a base Safe. They recognize their need of others and their autonomy.
front of the separation can manage negative emotions, and have the confidence to find rewarding new relationships.
configurations of type C (enmeshed / preoccupied)
From the personal history of those entangled / preoccupied el'incostanza shows the unpredictability of the figures.
Trapped in their childhood experiences, they may experience severe anxiety in intimate relationships, with fears of abandonment and strong thrusts to the control and jealousy, or develop attitudes of dependency and complacency. They try to control the other with anger, to keep alive the attention even when they need it, alternating between aggressive behavior and request for contact and comfort.
There is a difficulty in creating an independent identity, to separate the past from the present, to integrate positive and negative feelings. These people's need to regulate their emotions and maintain a stable sense of self, so live with separation anxiety
extreme configurations of type A (distancing)
The internal model is built around these people rejecting a parent figure compared to their requests for comfort. The parent is not able to provide empathy, but only takes care of the child in practical needs. This child internalizes the parent's discomfort in front of intimacy and emotional contact and perceive the distance as the only way that this effectively for another. Distancing people affirm their independence and their strength. They are oriented to the task and try to do everything ourselves, with difficulties to seek help. They are characterized by good cognitive development and a frozen anger. They show an attitude away from intimate relationships which seek to minimize the importance, they may develop severe difficulties in communicating in terms of feelings, difficult to tolerate emotional closeness. The difficulty in recognizing and expressing emotions causes them to be somatization often resulting in physical ailments. Configurations
unresolved / disorganized (D): This category includes persons classified
in the previous three categories, differentiated only on the basis of the presence of unresolved grief or trauma, linked to child abuse, or unresolved grief in the life of a parent (mother's depression).
The tendency to approach and to leave that inhibit each other and the subject experiences emotions that overwhelm its capacity to organize a coherent behavior.
separations can evoke emotional states related to unresolved grief.
The type of attachment tends to be fairly stable, it can still change as a result of particularly significant experiences. Psychotherapy can provide a corrective emotional experience that can change the old patterns and break the vicious circles that renew the traumatic experiences of the past.