The psychology of love Love is always an issue at the center of man and therefore also the object of interest of psychology.
But what is love? Sometimes it happens to be confused about it and ask, for example, if we feel love or just attraction, if we truly love our partner or "just a habit, or it can happen to feel subjugated in a report that more than love has become an obsession and suffering, or in other cases, the report is a battlefield and anger seems to be the strongest bond. To understand what
love first and foremost it is important to distinguish it from falling. When we love we present an altered state of consciousness: idealize the other, we are elated, my heart beats fast when we are with him or her. When these feelings end up does not mean that love is over, maybe we moved to a more mature stage of love.
The couple goes through several stages: during the first phase, which corresponds all'innamoramento, the couple live a moment of symbiosis, with strong dependence, which is the idealization of the other extreme, one thinks of him as a soul mate , the object that can satisfy your every desire and for which "loses head "then follows a period of disenchantment, characterized by sadness and anger, born of the discovery of the diversity of the other. At this stage The first signs of incompatibility may arise anxiety crisis, you start thinking about the need to create a proper distance. A good preparation of this conflict at this stage can move on to the next phase of independence, when the couple feels the need to exit the nucleus by two and to explore the outside world. It 's the most difficult period in the cycle of the couple and the one most at risk of rupture may occur as betrayal. If you pass this stage is exceeded last phase, that of interdependence, where the partner is accepted in its imperfection and is an approximation that may allow the rekindling of desire.
Beyond these steps, generally valid for all pairs, the complexity of love life is tied to several variables: the adult life is the result of primordial experiences, relationships and parental relationships are important to meet growing, the relationship you have with yourself and with your body, the degree of self-esteem and acceptance of his own being and propensity to trust within a relationship. Many
anxiety-depression spectrum disorders are born in the family history and become particularly evident in the relationship. Often
dependency needs are not adequately filled during childhood may superintendence compulsive need of protection and symbiotic attachment in adult life. A typical example of what we find in the obsession of love, in which the other, often elusive, it becomes our savior, drugs to which our happiness, so we get to zero. This situation indicates a difficulty in taking care of yourself, to take care of himself and another delegation of responsibility for our wellbeing. This can also result in pathological jealousy that reveals a deep insecurity, the continuing need to control and possess the other, which becomes our property.
Another example is the "Don Juan", the expression of a fragile personality, stretched endlessly in search of confirmation, hence the need to implement a seductive behavior, aimed at the conquest itself rather than the real contact with each other. Underlying this behavior are narcissistic deficiencies that do not allow the recognition of: Partner serves as confirmation of their self-esteem (the mirror of Narcissus). The emotional life is made up of superficial relationships, but rewarding when weighing if they last too long, almost a fear of intimacy, a real difficulty in establishing a deep relationship of true love with another person.
Another example of common observation is given by the hysterical personality, in which the centrality of desire becomes insecurity in relationships. Here too, the superficiality of emotional life is tied to the desire to possess the other, to be the center of attention and fear, at every moment, to lose the power to control the relationship.
Love and sexuality are deeper dimensions of human beings and their subjective importance in the balance is widely proved, many forms of suffering and psychological distress are born from the inability manage your love affairs in an appropriate manner. So there is a psychology of intimacy still little known and closely linked to the personality characteristics of partners, in which a key role is played by their level of dependence-independence. Excessive dependency can be a source of discomfort because it can create a confusion of roles and a reduction of the autonomy of the individual, could limit the creativity and frustration, as well as excessive independence can cause problems and lead to breakage; interdependence however, that the mutual dependency in respect of the spheres of autonomy, is an effective adhesive for the couple, which to reconcile needs support and sharing with those of autonomy and exploration.
reflections invite us to reflect proposals to become more sensitive to those red flags that can help detect early signs of discomfort or suffering, to promote a greater awareness to your emotional life.
